Questioner: Mykelle
Private: no
Question: Subject: male and female roles in a relationship / stoning your kids
Hey John!
i have two questions. firstly, what does the bible say about the male and female role in a relationship? i know that it says for the male to love his wife like the church and for the woman to obey the man, but does this imply that the man is the leader of the relationship??
and also, a friend of mine told me that the 'original bible' gave instructions on how to stone your kids if they disobeyed their parents. is that true? and is it also true that there is an original bible which has since been translated and has had stuff left out which doesn't apply to modern society's way of living?
Thanks in advance =]
Here at my blog, I'm going to post two separate entries for these two questions. Both of them could spark some interesting discussions I think. As always I sincerely invite your views...
This one is on Male and Female roles in a biblical relationship.
My reply:
Hi Mykelle,
First, when looking at 2-4000 year old texts its important to bear in mind that cultures and social paradigms have radically altered over the years. Many of the things taken for granted today would have been commonly rejected and viewed as sinful a mere hundred years ago, some even more recently than that: female ministers for instance.
In the Torah and Tanach (the biblical Hebrew Scriptures) women were viewed according to common Canaanite values of the day. They were basically viewed as the property of their husbands. Daughters were "transferred" from their fathers to their husbands (usually for a dowry, political concession etc). A poor man would have one wife, wealthy men might have several (with concubines in addition). Women had no rights to speak of.
From our 21st century perspective of equality this sounds horrible, however when we understand the cultures in which they lived it is less troubling. An unmarried women was without protection, legally or physically, and would be viewed as an abandoned orphan, as a street walker, and typically raped and abused without notice of society at large. This sounds harsh but that's how life was in general terms. Indeed, in many ways wives were viewed as we today view our children. Children need parents for protection and in these cultures women needed husbands for the same reasons.
By the time the New Testament was written much of the Canaanite paradigms had been replaced by Greco-Roman attitudes and the position of women was markedly improved, from our perspective. Still however many things modern women take for granted did not exist then.
So, to answer more directly, in New Testament times women were considered persons in their own rights, however they were still required to be firmly under the authority of their husbands. They were not granted many of the rights and responsibilities assigned by men.
For instance:
Titus 2:1 But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine:
2 That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.
3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
6 Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded.
As with the Jews, the early Christians stressed the importance of social order and conformity. To step outside of this basic pattern was considered against sound doctrine or teachings.
More specifically we have commands like these:
I Corinthians 14:33 For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.
34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.
35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.
Note the stress placed on not allowing confusion. The Jews at this point in history did not allow women to enter their houses of worship for the most part. The role of understanding the Torah was "man's work." The followers of the Way allowed women to enter, but required them to maintain silence, keep their heads covered, seek understanding from their husbands at home etc. This granted them more freedom, but not complete equality.
I Timothy 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.
11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Such restrictions were cultural and were based on, again, the desire to maintain order in the congregations and the society. These things seem extreme to us today but they were big steps forward (from our present viewpoints) from what had preceded them.
We see a similar cultural development with the ownership of slaves. Slavery was common in those days but Paul seeks to lighten the burden by saying to slaves, 'if you have the chance take your freedom do so, if not submit to your masters, BUT masters, you have to be kind to your slaves and understand that they too are your brothers and sisters'. Did Paul support slavery? Yes he did! As did everyone else for the most part. Its just how things were then, it was the accepted cultural norm. Gradually slavery became unacceptable and such comments should NEVER be accepted as supporting slavery today. In the same way women gradually won their equal rights and so many of these instructions no longer apply. Paul admits that sometimes he is sharing his own cultural views rather than the Word of the Lord. For instance:
I Corinthians 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
The biblical teachings need to understood according to time and circumstances. These change. God is not stagnant, nor is humanity.
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
[Note: "As unto the Lord."]
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
[The word "head" here is Kephale which means absolute control. If the head is removed the body dies]
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
[Here is the explanation. As the Church is subject to Christ so too... Christ grants us freedom. We choose whether to obey him or not.
God is not force us to obey Him.
Likewise, as the next verses explain more fully, the relationship of the wife to the husband should be as the relationship of the husband to Christ. He should grant her freedom, respect, honor, love, mercy etc. so that the wife will willingly, joyously choose to submit to his authority.]
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
[Husbands must NEVER abuse that trust!]
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
[This is a very different paradigm than we have today in society and even in most churches. Based on this, the desires of women to have equal rights with men and so on spring from the failure of the husbands to properly execute their roles. Women do not want to submit to their husbands today because the men are not submitting to Christ and are not obeying their obligations. The "Body of Christ" is diseased! It is not performing as intended].
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
[This Great Mystery is that in the marriage relationship we are supposed to see a reflection of the relationship between Christ and His Church. It is believed by most traditional Jews that an unmarried man is only half a man and that when a businessman has to leave home the Holy Spirit (as Shekhina) remains home with the wife until his return.
The love between God and His wife (Israel), Christ and His Bride (the Church) and husbands and their wives is wonderfully shown in the love of the Shulamite maiden and her beloved. An example:
Song of Solomon 6
1 Whither is thy beloved gone, O thou fairest among women? whither is thy beloved turned aside? that we may seek him with thee.
2 My beloved is gone down into his garden, to the beds of spices, to feed in the gardens, and to gather lilies.
3 I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.
4 Thou art beautiful, O my love, as Tirzah, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with banners.
5 Turn away thine eyes from me, for they have overcome me: thy hair is as a flock of goats that appear from Gilead.
6 Thy teeth are as a flock of sheep which go up from the washing, whereof every one beareth twins, and there is not one barren among them.
7 As a piece of a pomegranate are thy temples within thy locks.
8 There are threescore queens, and fourscore concubines, and virgins without number.
9 My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her.
10 Who is she that looketh forth as the morning, fair as the moon, clear as the sun, and terrible as an army with banners?
11 I went down into the garden of nuts to see the fruits of the valley, and to see whether the vine flourished, and the pomegranates budded.
12 Or ever I was aware, my soul made me like the chariots of Amminadib.
13 Return, return, O Shulamite; return, return, that we may look upon thee. What will ye see in the Shulamite? As it were the company of two armies.
So, there should not be a "leader" in a godly household. Children should voluntarily submit to their parents, wives should choose to support and follow their husbands as husbands choose to support and follow the Lord. This is the system laid out in the New Testament, everyone working as one to serve the Lord for the benefit of all.
No comments:
Post a Comment