Raising Kids Spiritually

Here's another Q & A I thought worth sharing:

Hi, I am a mother of two children, a boy age 11 and a girl age 7. It was decided they would not be baptized, feeling that it would be imposing a religion on them that was accompanied with more hatred than love. This decision still brings about some confliction because although I believe in God, the teachings by others I've seen are hypocritical and full of fire and brimstone. Which, I feel is not what God is about.

My question to you is, How can I still do right by my children, giving them a faith or a belief that they can grasp to, while still giving them the choice as they grow to decide which religious or spiritual path they take?
I believe we are all here for a divine reason. I believe what we put out into the universe, is what we get back. I guess I'm trying to find the right spiritual teachers that can also help me to guide my children to an uplifting force instead of hateful worshipers.

I apologize for the length of my question, but I'm torn. As I see my children getting older, it feels as if time is slipping faster away.

Thanks for your time
Candy

My reply:
Your thoughts?

Hi Candy,

As parents (I have two now adult sons) we are responsible to teach our kids religious and spiritual values. It is the nature of kids to rebel against what they hold to be false (outdated etc) as they grow up. If we train our kids in a particular religious tradition or belief system they will be inclined to give it more credence as they age. If they see worth in it they may stay within the form they are raised in, but if, as they grow up, they decide the form or doctrines are bogus they will usually leave them or seek out new forms.

The difference is that adults who grow up without any religious training or beliefs usually never develop them while those who are raised with religious/spiritual faith generally maintain the foundational truths learned as a child. In other words, belief in God, respect for others, respect for life, faith, etc. As you said, "although I believe in God..."

It is, in my opinion, best to raise ones kids in the belief system one believes is right or best for them (both for the parents and the kids). In all things be honest with your kids (with due consideration for what they can comprehend of course). If you don't believe, as an example ONLY, in the Trinity of God, in Hell, etc. don't teach these things to your kids as though you do. Kids can smell hypocrisy a mile away! As they age its good to explain such concepts as things some people believe in and why you don't, so they will have a better understanding. This also encourages them to think for themselves and demonstrates that you encourage this form of independent thought.

Baptism is an ordinance of the Christian faith. Christening (of children), which I assume is what you mean, is an ordinance of part of that Church (not all). If you are not raising your kids in churches that hold to these ordinances there would be no reason to have your kids pass through them. Baptism and Christening are only ways of getting wet without faith in what they represent. Its the heart and the intent that matters, not the external ritual.

If your kids are still into being read to you might try reading stories to them from the various religious traditions. There are several good story-book style presentations of Noah and the Ark, of the Buddha's early life and enlightenment, etc. This can help the kids get a handle on the importance and existence of diversity of religious faith and belief. Whether they are or ever become people of faith, it is important that they understand the importance of religion both socially and politically, if not spiritually and personally.

I think you will want to do some more personal introspection as well and determine what you personally believe. Teachers are important of course, but introspection is vital. If there is a spouse/co-parent in the family (you don't say here) I'd discuss this with that person as well. If you are "on the same page" spiritually it will make things easier. If not, then not.

But determine what you believe and then allow your kids to see your faith in action. Attend religious service and invite (or gently require) your kids to join you (or go alone). When good things happen in your life spoken comments like, "Thank you God" both remind you of God's presence and bears witness to your kids that you are a "Believer." Likewise when difficulties arise, allow your kids to see you seek Divine help and guidance. The "prayer closet" has its place, but so does demonstrating faith to those around us. How else will they learn?

More than what we say, kids learn by what they see. So let them see your faith in action. I'm reminded of these verses:

James 2:14 What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him?
15 If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food,
16 And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?
17 Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.
18 Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: show me thy faith without thy works, and I will show thee my faith by my works.
19 Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.
20 But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?
21 Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he had offered Isaac his son upon the altar?
22 Seest thou how faith wrought with his works, and by works was faith made perfect?

Allow your kids to witness the works of your faith and they will understand.

If you pass a homeless person who looks hungry or asks for help, step into a restaurant and buy something for him/her to eat. Hand it to the person with the assurance that you will pray for his/her well being (I seldom just give such folks money). When you get back to your car, before leaving, bow your head and ask God to help the person. This should be done in all sincerity of course, but allow your kids to witness your faith in action. And if you say you are going to pray for someone, PRAY for them! This promise/assurance should never be used as merely something one says. There is much power in sincere prayer. Utilize it for the good.

If you have the time, volunteer at food pantries or similar places. Jesus says that the whole of the Law of God can be summed up as follows:

Love God with your whole heart.
Love your neighbor as you love yourself.

Faith does not require external religion, it requires internal intention. This of course is not to deny the importance of external religion, but that should be the byproduct of ones internal faith.

Show them your faith in action and everything will be fine.

Hope this helps,
~John of AllFaith